Five Relationship Don’ts

Today’s post is a guest article from Gurl of Gurl’s Asylum.  On her site, she talks about many important topics dealing with relationships, specifically how to make a long-distance relationship work.  While I have a few articles on this site that deal with dating success, I’m glad she submitted this article because it provides an insight into relationships from a feminine standpoint.

I have been through many romantic relationships, and I make no bones about having made many mistakes in each one. Each relationship was a necessary part of my life in that they were learning experiences. Each one taught me about myself and about the mistakes that will make any relationship fail. Today, I’d like to share with you the five most important lessons I have learned.

1.   Never Love Your Partner More Than You Love Yourself.

This is a recipe for disaster. Loving your partner that much or yourself so little will keep you from letting them know when they aren’t meeting your needs. This leads to dissatisfaction and resentment, which are two big relationship killers.

Making this mistake can also lead to you allowing your significant other to treat in you ways that are just wrong. When this happens, it often will affect your self esteem, which keeps the cycle going.

2.   Never Allow Your Partner to Disrespect You.

Disrespect comes in many forms. From cheating to ignoring your wishes, each form hurts. When your partner disrespects you and you don’t call them on it, it leads to more disrespect. This becomes a down ward spiral that will hurt your self esteem and ultimately break a relationship. You may not leave the relationship, but it may become more of a parent/child type relationship or any other form of generally undesirable relationship for romantic partners.

3.   Never Allow Your Partner to Abuse You.

Abuse can be mental, physical or emotional. Most abusive partners will start with mental and/or emotional and eventually escalate to physical abuse. You should never allow this. You are worthy of a happy, healthy relationships. Most abusers never acknowledge they are abusive much less change. I am not saying leave at the first sign of abuse, but you should talk with them about it.

Occasionally, a person may not realize what they are doing because they are acting from what they learned from their parents and other authority figures. These people may be able to break the cycle if they choose to do so. However, unless they have someone show them what is going on, they likely won’t see it.

4.   Never Believe That Being in a Relationship Will Make You or Life Better.

This never, ever works. Sure, being in a relationship will fill a void that you had when you were single, but it won’t improve your life drastically. You might even become motivated to change some of your bad habits, but unless you are making the changes for you they probably won’t stick.

Before you start looking to change your single status, you should be satisfied with who you are and the life you are living. Neither has to be perfect, as we are all a work in progress. However, you should be working on making positive change in both yourself and your life first. This often will lead to greater satisfaction for yourself and will make you even more attractive to others—including friends and family. Expecting someone else to bring this satisfaction to your life is usually a prescription for failure.

5.   Never Rely on Yourself or Your Partner Changing Drastically.

None of us are perfect, and that’s a part of what makes this life wonderful. However, if the person you are dating wants you to make drastic changes in who you are…odds are it isn’t going to happen. If there are things they do that you know you can’t tolerate for years, odds are you won’t be happy with them.

Most people only make minor changes in themselves and their lives once they reach a certain age. Believing you can change them to be what you want and need is unfair to both of you. For a relationship to be strong, you have to accept each other as you are with no reservations or doubts. If there are things you can’t accept about the other or vice versa, it’s time to take the romantic out of the relationship and start looking for someone who is what you want and need in a life partner.

These are five things I’ve been through and have learned just don’t work. When you do find your life partner, none of these will be an issue. The most important thing you can do to help yourself find and maintain a wonderful romantic relationship is to love yourself.

Your Turn. What lessons have you learned when it comes to romantic relationships? What do you find works well in maintaining a happy healthy relationship?

Steve’s Notes: Male or female, I think these are important tips to follow.  If you want to know more about building a quality relationships, I highly recommend that you check out Gurl’s website.

Take Action. Get Results.

6 thoughts on “Five Relationship Don’ts”

  1. #4 seems to be something that a lot of guys think will make all the difference. If they can get into a relationship it will make everything “magically” better.

    This is not always the case. For some it maybe the final piece of the puzzle but if there are other parts of your life that you are unhappy with then you need to address them as well. Never assume that an outside source will make everything better.
    .-= Preston Blain´s last blog ..Do You Know Who You Want To Become? =-.

    • I’ve actually seen this happen in both genders. You’re both right that a relationship can’t magically give that missing piece of the puzzle in your life. Everything has to come from from basically being happy with yourself

    • Hi Preston.
      I have been very guilty of thinking having a relationship will make my life better. It’s not been true before, but now that I am mostly happy with my life its mostly true that having my sweetheart does make life better.
      I do believe in magic, the magic that we all make in our own lives by finding our way to the best self we can be 🙂
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts 🙂

    • Hi Maria,
      It can be very hard to correct these once they are going on. That’s one reason I MADE myself go into my current relationship with eyes wide open for the mistakes I’ve made so many times in the past. I think that is key…DO get caught up in the whirlwind of new romance, but don’t let it blind you. Easy to say, harder to do.
      .-= Gurl´s last blog ..41 Ways To Break Your Own Heart =-.

  2. Gurl, you are so right on your point. Number 5 is something everyone needs to learn, sooner better than later. If you are trying to change someone, then you do not love them. If you fell in love with someone, then you accept who they are.

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