As I mentioned last week I’ll be home from this fantastic journey in November and when I get back I’m planning on ending certain relationships that weren’t really working out. (Gulp!)
Know When it’s Time to Say Good-Bye
Breaking up with a romantic partner can be one of the hardest things to go through in life, especially if you were with that person for a long time, but breaking up with a friend is sometimes just as bad. Knowing someone a long time doesn’t necessarily make them a good friend— it might be hard to admit, but not all friends are good friends. There are a lot of different reasons to end friendships but here are a couple of types of “friends” that I just can’t deal with anymore:
- Complainers. Friends that hang out with you and waste your time simply because no one else is willing to listen to them complain. Most of the time, their complaints aren’t even valid—i.e., “I know she got that job because she’s cuter than me,” grumble grumble.
- Users. There’s nothing wrong with letting your friends enjoy certain aspects of your life, but friends who come around only when you’re having a party or when you buy a new car that they’d like to borrow are most likely using you.
- Addicts / Abusers. Speaking of users, friends that are addicted to drugs or alcohol aren’t exactly healthy to you, either. If you offer help and they refuse, it’s not your fault. Let them find help elsewhere—hopefully professional help. Friends who engage in physical abuse are also a huge no-no in my book.
- One-Uppers. I’m spending the summer in Europe, but I know someone back home that will have to let me know that they took two week-long cruises, flew down to the Bahamas for three weekends and met a few movie stars while they were there. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done, a one-upper has done something better (in their eyes, anyway.)
- Two-Facers. Two-facers are just what they sound like—nicey-nice to your face but love talking about you behind your back. They’re easy to recognize because they often talk about others in your presence, even though you know for a fact that they hang out with those people all the time.
Telling a person, “I don’t think we should hang out anymore,” and explaining your reasons is probably the best way how to end a friendship, but if you can’t picture yourself telling them outright, consider the following:
- When they invite you somewhere, decline the invitation. Likewise, don’t invite them to parties you have or ask them to go places with you.
- Don’t call them “just to talk,” and if you have caller ID (who doesn’t?) don’t answer the phone if you can see they’re calling you. Try to stop returning their calls.
- If you can’t bear to totally ignore them (at least initially) call them back on your time—don’t rush to do so.
- Start making new friends so you won’t be tempted to go back just because it’s easy.
- Continually remind yourself why you decided to end this friendship.
That list is by no means exhaustive and some friends fall into a few different categories of their own. It might be difficult, but if a friendship is toxic I feel it’s in your best interest to end it. Your own health and well-being is important!Take Action. Get Results.